When "I'm sorry" just doesn't cut it anymore...
This post is not about me bitching about a flaky friend. This point is about me being that flaky friend.
I let someone down today. I was supposed to meet a friend for tea this morning, and I stood her up. Not on purpose, at all! I rarely get out of the house and don't have many friends in Portland yet. I was looking forward to it, originally. But, somehow, I forgot to record it on one of my many systems of information that are meant to remind me of such things. I have a wall calendar. I set alarms for everything. I live by lists. But if that information never gets to when it needs to be, if I "forget to remember"... what do I do then?
My understanding of this phenomenon is based from my ADD book "You mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy?" (great title, right?) The way they explain how the ADD brain makes memories is that when you get information, your brain has about 5 seconds to decide where to store that information, short-term or long-term storage. Some ADD brains have trouble storing memories, for others the trouble comes when trying to retrieve that information. I have difficulty with both. Quite often, I'll have one thought (ex: "I am having tea with Terra on Thursday) and get distracted by 10 others before my brain has a chance to solidify the first thought in a databank somewhere hopefully retrievable.
I didn't used to be this way, and it's driving me insane because I hate letting people down, and I hate being a flake. But time after time, this happens again, and again. This is one of the many reasons I am currently incapable of holding down a job.
And the only recourse I have is to apologize to the people I let down. I mean the apology, but it doesn't fix anything, or undo my mistake. And 'normal' people don't understand why I fail so often. if things like memory & time management are easy for them, they assume I am just not trying and don't value them or their time.
This is horribly not true, but I realize the way it appears, and there seems to be nothing I can do about it. I do my best, but I continually fail, and continually let others down in the process. I apologize, but as the pattern repeats itself, the people I care about no longer believe my apologies. My word used to mean something, and people used to think of me as a woman of integrity, but now....
...I'm just that one "flaky friend."
I let someone down today. I was supposed to meet a friend for tea this morning, and I stood her up. Not on purpose, at all! I rarely get out of the house and don't have many friends in Portland yet. I was looking forward to it, originally. But, somehow, I forgot to record it on one of my many systems of information that are meant to remind me of such things. I have a wall calendar. I set alarms for everything. I live by lists. But if that information never gets to when it needs to be, if I "forget to remember"... what do I do then?
My understanding of this phenomenon is based from my ADD book "You mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy?" (great title, right?) The way they explain how the ADD brain makes memories is that when you get information, your brain has about 5 seconds to decide where to store that information, short-term or long-term storage. Some ADD brains have trouble storing memories, for others the trouble comes when trying to retrieve that information. I have difficulty with both. Quite often, I'll have one thought (ex: "I am having tea with Terra on Thursday) and get distracted by 10 others before my brain has a chance to solidify the first thought in a databank somewhere hopefully retrievable.
I didn't used to be this way, and it's driving me insane because I hate letting people down, and I hate being a flake. But time after time, this happens again, and again. This is one of the many reasons I am currently incapable of holding down a job.
And the only recourse I have is to apologize to the people I let down. I mean the apology, but it doesn't fix anything, or undo my mistake. And 'normal' people don't understand why I fail so often. if things like memory & time management are easy for them, they assume I am just not trying and don't value them or their time.
This is horribly not true, but I realize the way it appears, and there seems to be nothing I can do about it. I do my best, but I continually fail, and continually let others down in the process. I apologize, but as the pattern repeats itself, the people I care about no longer believe my apologies. My word used to mean something, and people used to think of me as a woman of integrity, but now....
...I'm just that one "flaky friend."
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