Life updates 4.16.14
I have too much in my head right now for a cohesive post, unfortunately for you, dear reader!
Psych stuff: The second assessment was really more of an intake interview, so it doesn't "officially" count as a diagnoses of anything, but she did recognize my attention problems as being characteristic of inattentive-type ADD, as well as immediately identifying my mother's behavior as Borderline behavior, which I had never considered before, but totally makes sense.
Anyway, the outcome of which is they are agreeing to put me on Wellbutrin, since it is useful for depression & attention problems, but they are also keeping me on Citalopram. I've been taking the new medication for.. I dunno, 2-3 weeks? I don't feel a whole lot different. I have been making small strides forward, but I don't know if that's due to the medication or my will/determination. Performance is one of the only things I can focus & succeed at, because it's my passion, so I pushed myself a lot during auditions a week and a half ago. I have been trying to use that momentum to keep myself active and moving forward, but it doesn't feel any easier than before I started Wellbutrin.
I have had weird emotional outbursts every once in a while, but... I've had those for awhile, I haven't been keeping track if they've decreased or increased.
Honestly, the only thing I've found that really helps me focus is smoking, but it only helps for an hour or two, and the fallout makes me more distracted/unfocused for a few days after, which overall isn't good. Also, smoke being bad for my lungs and singing and all. So I've cut back a lot on that.
Work/School stuff:
Not super great. Last time I posted I said boss was promoting me? Well, I was a little concerned about the addition time/responsibility right around finals, so I asked her if I could hold off on some of the extra work til after finals.... apparently she misunderstood and thought that meant I didn't want extra hours or responsibility, which could not be further from the truth.
I had already chosen to not attend school this quarter, so I could focus on working and earning money, (which I desperately need), and now it's too late for me to sign up for classes. I also can't get those extra hours back, because she gave them away to another employee.
So... now I just work 8 hours a week. And go stir-crazy. I have put in applications at a few local places, cafes and the like. There's a new coffee/wine cafe opening a block from my house that I am really hoping will hire me. I love tutoring, but it's not enough to get by.
I'm trying to use the extra time to be productive, and get stuff done I didn't have time for before (mostly taking care of myself, but also organizing around the house, and sorting out doctor stuff & school stuff), but it is hard because of my attention problems and depression. I keep finding myself just staring at a wall for 20 minutes before I even realize.
Mostly, I miss having friends and a community. It is really hard and lonely. On a good note, I have been trying to spend more time with my bible, and have taken up mindfulness mediation and the Alexander Technique, as well as actively focusing on the positives in my life, so that is all good stuff I am doing with my extra time. :)
Psych stuff: The second assessment was really more of an intake interview, so it doesn't "officially" count as a diagnoses of anything, but she did recognize my attention problems as being characteristic of inattentive-type ADD, as well as immediately identifying my mother's behavior as Borderline behavior, which I had never considered before, but totally makes sense.
Anyway, the outcome of which is they are agreeing to put me on Wellbutrin, since it is useful for depression & attention problems, but they are also keeping me on Citalopram. I've been taking the new medication for.. I dunno, 2-3 weeks? I don't feel a whole lot different. I have been making small strides forward, but I don't know if that's due to the medication or my will/determination. Performance is one of the only things I can focus & succeed at, because it's my passion, so I pushed myself a lot during auditions a week and a half ago. I have been trying to use that momentum to keep myself active and moving forward, but it doesn't feel any easier than before I started Wellbutrin.
I have had weird emotional outbursts every once in a while, but... I've had those for awhile, I haven't been keeping track if they've decreased or increased.
Honestly, the only thing I've found that really helps me focus is smoking, but it only helps for an hour or two, and the fallout makes me more distracted/unfocused for a few days after, which overall isn't good. Also, smoke being bad for my lungs and singing and all. So I've cut back a lot on that.
Work/School stuff:
Not super great. Last time I posted I said boss was promoting me? Well, I was a little concerned about the addition time/responsibility right around finals, so I asked her if I could hold off on some of the extra work til after finals.... apparently she misunderstood and thought that meant I didn't want extra hours or responsibility, which could not be further from the truth.
I had already chosen to not attend school this quarter, so I could focus on working and earning money, (which I desperately need), and now it's too late for me to sign up for classes. I also can't get those extra hours back, because she gave them away to another employee.
So... now I just work 8 hours a week. And go stir-crazy. I have put in applications at a few local places, cafes and the like. There's a new coffee/wine cafe opening a block from my house that I am really hoping will hire me. I love tutoring, but it's not enough to get by.
I'm trying to use the extra time to be productive, and get stuff done I didn't have time for before (mostly taking care of myself, but also organizing around the house, and sorting out doctor stuff & school stuff), but it is hard because of my attention problems and depression. I keep finding myself just staring at a wall for 20 minutes before I even realize.
Mostly, I miss having friends and a community. It is really hard and lonely. On a good note, I have been trying to spend more time with my bible, and have taken up mindfulness mediation and the Alexander Technique, as well as actively focusing on the positives in my life, so that is all good stuff I am doing with my extra time. :)
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