Lesson 1: "Becoming your own pain management expert"
Recently, my life has been pretty out of control. My chronic pain & fatigue have increased to the point I can barely walk around my house, let alone hold down a job, and because of that, I'm pretty depressed, and the stress has worsened my ADHD and made me hyper-emotional.
So I feel pretty bad for my house-mates (family & K) who have to deal with me, I try to be as useful as I can while trying to "fix" myself, and get whatever free help I can scrounge for.
Also, I've been thinking a lot about the Bible verse about your body being a temple of the Holy Spirit, and how that relates to my personal health (mental & physical).
I recently visited my local library, and picked up 2 books that I'm finding invaluable. [ADD moment: I want to live in a library, like Twilight Sparkle! ...shaddup.]
"The Pain Survival Guide: How to Reclaim Your Life" is a sort-of workbook, written by psychologists, about the mental aspect of having chronic pain take over your life. Lesson 1 is the title of this blog entry, "Becoming your own pain management expert." So, my new philosophy on my health is, if the doctors cannot find the physical cause for my pain & fatigue, I have to assume this is going to be my reality from now on, and learn to manage it as best I can.
"Muscular Retraining for Pain-Free Living: A practical approach to eliminating [several different types of chronic pain]" is written in two sections, part one describes the background of how pain works, what it is and is not, anatomy, posture, etc., while part two focuses on movement & exercises to strengthen your core muscles and increase body awareness.
The first I find helpful on bad pain days, or when I am feeling particularly emotional about the limitations on my life from my health problems. The second book contains exercises I try to do at least one of (or the ones my old Physical Therapist suggested) every day, no matter how bad I feel. On good days, I do more physically demanding activities, like housework for example, or going on a hike with Kelly.
From what I can tell, the best practical resources for my new attitude come from incurable chronic conditions, such as Fibromyalgia, CFS, MS, Lupus, etc. These things have similar symptoms to what I'm going through, and "treatment" seems to focus on managing your diet, lifestyle, physical therapy & emotional health, to live a full life without being limited by your pain.
I recognize the important of having a support system, which I unfortunately lack in my new residence, not knowing many people in the state or city. Kelly is my strongest support, and I thank God for him, and my dad tries to understand, and does the best he can. I'm not sure my brother is fully aware of what's going on with me, he's so shut in his own world. Since I don't know many people here, I am looking for a local christian community, and I am trying to attend local support groups for both Adult ADHD and Fibromyalgia, unfortunately, they tend to be on the same night. [Reminds me of trying to schedule classes for school: why were all the artsy classes scheduled at the same time?] I am hoping to use this blog to share what's going on with me in an honest way, and reconnect with out-of-touch friends to keep me accountable to my "program."
So, that is what is up in my life. I'm in the process of trying to apply for the Oregon State Health Plan, and Disability. I got turned down for the last private health insurance I applied to. I still can't find a way to get/afford an ADHD diagnosis, but I have a free therapist now, so that's something.
Since I'm still not in a position where I can really work a regular job, I'm looking into finishing my AA this fall at the local community college. The financial aid should help with costs at least a little. The greatest obstacles to me living the type of life I want to live are my health problems, and lack of finances. I can't change my health, but I can work towards a job that will pay me decent. I'm planning on working towards a degree in math, science or engineering. It kills me a little to give up on Performing, but it's not a career path I am physically capable of following at this point in my life, nor afford.
Once money isn't an obstacle (and hopefully health, if God allows me to get better: prayers appreciated) I can re-assess later in life, I don't have that luxury at the moment. They say "more money, more problems," but I say no money makes the most problems. You gotta have at least a baseline level to take care of needs. I am swimming in debt from medical bills (from when I did have insurance), even though I still don't have a diagnosis and seem to be getting worse. I even read an article recently that says being poor can actually lower your IQ. If I can't be healthy, I will sell out my dreams for the money to fix my health, or to buy me happiness.
But until that point, I will just keep trudging on, to try to do my best, with what I have.
[P.S.: Just re-watched 50/50 today with Dad & K. I forget how depressing the young-adult-with-catastrophic-health-dramedies I love to watch are. Oops. Great movie though, I love the way the dialogue is written, and the actors are fantastic, they are so easy to empathize with.]
So I feel pretty bad for my house-mates (family & K) who have to deal with me, I try to be as useful as I can while trying to "fix" myself, and get whatever free help I can scrounge for.
Also, I've been thinking a lot about the Bible verse about your body being a temple of the Holy Spirit, and how that relates to my personal health (mental & physical).
I recently visited my local library, and picked up 2 books that I'm finding invaluable. [ADD moment: I want to live in a library, like Twilight Sparkle! ...shaddup.]
"The Pain Survival Guide: How to Reclaim Your Life" is a sort-of workbook, written by psychologists, about the mental aspect of having chronic pain take over your life. Lesson 1 is the title of this blog entry, "Becoming your own pain management expert." So, my new philosophy on my health is, if the doctors cannot find the physical cause for my pain & fatigue, I have to assume this is going to be my reality from now on, and learn to manage it as best I can."Muscular Retraining for Pain-Free Living: A practical approach to eliminating [several different types of chronic pain]" is written in two sections, part one describes the background of how pain works, what it is and is not, anatomy, posture, etc., while part two focuses on movement & exercises to strengthen your core muscles and increase body awareness.
The first I find helpful on bad pain days, or when I am feeling particularly emotional about the limitations on my life from my health problems. The second book contains exercises I try to do at least one of (or the ones my old Physical Therapist suggested) every day, no matter how bad I feel. On good days, I do more physically demanding activities, like housework for example, or going on a hike with Kelly.
From what I can tell, the best practical resources for my new attitude come from incurable chronic conditions, such as Fibromyalgia, CFS, MS, Lupus, etc. These things have similar symptoms to what I'm going through, and "treatment" seems to focus on managing your diet, lifestyle, physical therapy & emotional health, to live a full life without being limited by your pain.
I recognize the important of having a support system, which I unfortunately lack in my new residence, not knowing many people in the state or city. Kelly is my strongest support, and I thank God for him, and my dad tries to understand, and does the best he can. I'm not sure my brother is fully aware of what's going on with me, he's so shut in his own world. Since I don't know many people here, I am looking for a local christian community, and I am trying to attend local support groups for both Adult ADHD and Fibromyalgia, unfortunately, they tend to be on the same night. [Reminds me of trying to schedule classes for school: why were all the artsy classes scheduled at the same time?] I am hoping to use this blog to share what's going on with me in an honest way, and reconnect with out-of-touch friends to keep me accountable to my "program."
So, that is what is up in my life. I'm in the process of trying to apply for the Oregon State Health Plan, and Disability. I got turned down for the last private health insurance I applied to. I still can't find a way to get/afford an ADHD diagnosis, but I have a free therapist now, so that's something.
Since I'm still not in a position where I can really work a regular job, I'm looking into finishing my AA this fall at the local community college. The financial aid should help with costs at least a little. The greatest obstacles to me living the type of life I want to live are my health problems, and lack of finances. I can't change my health, but I can work towards a job that will pay me decent. I'm planning on working towards a degree in math, science or engineering. It kills me a little to give up on Performing, but it's not a career path I am physically capable of following at this point in my life, nor afford.
Once money isn't an obstacle (and hopefully health, if God allows me to get better: prayers appreciated) I can re-assess later in life, I don't have that luxury at the moment. They say "more money, more problems," but I say no money makes the most problems. You gotta have at least a baseline level to take care of needs. I am swimming in debt from medical bills (from when I did have insurance), even though I still don't have a diagnosis and seem to be getting worse. I even read an article recently that says being poor can actually lower your IQ. If I can't be healthy, I will sell out my dreams for the money to fix my health, or to buy me happiness.
But until that point, I will just keep trudging on, to try to do my best, with what I have.
[P.S.: Just re-watched 50/50 today with Dad & K. I forget how depressing the young-adult-with-catastrophic-health-dramedies I love to watch are. Oops. Great movie though, I love the way the dialogue is written, and the actors are fantastic, they are so easy to empathize with.]
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