Lessons learned from television
Oh, so many lessons really. But this is specifically about recent things. For example, related to my quest for becoming a more open, inviting person, and my related journey towards romance.
Most recently, the two shows that have really struck a chord for me have been Bones & Glee. Maybe a weird combination, but I like to describe myself as having the brain of a scientist and the heart of an artist. My personality is very much clash of extremes. AND I was in Show Choir in High School. And Musical Theatre. And I'm a math tutor, and great at science.
"Sexy" Glee
So, I understand sex. I'm "crazy informed" as Holly Holliday says. BUT I entirely lack in experience. Not just sex/intercourse, but, as they said in the episode, "Every intimate encounter that you're going to have in your life is going to start with a touch." America (USofA for those not of our nationality) is considered a low-contact culture (there's my anthropology showing) because we aren't very touchy and like our personal space. So there's little contact of any sort going on on a daily basis. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind shaking hands, or even hugs or back rubs with people I know well and trust, but... romance takes something a little different, a little extra, and that is the boundary I've been experimenting with lately. Through, yes, alcohol-induced truth or dare. A bit childish and high school, true, BUT if you don't test those boundaries in High School, you've gotta do it sometime. So, as a consequence, I have gone from not having a real first kiss to making out on a dare. While I still haven't had a romantic-mutually-liking-awkward kiss, I can't really say I've never been kissed when my tongue has been in someone else's mouth. Seriously.
The secondary point from this episode was from a moment between Kurt & his Dad. (Why, as a heterosexual 26-year-old female, I identify strongest with the 17-year-old male homosexual, I will never know.) His dad gave him the following talk:
I have a libido, I want sex, and the older I get, and the more it seems everyone else is getting busy, the more jealous and the hornier I get. I'm a Christian, and believe sex is intended by God to bond two people in a monogamous, loving, committed, long-term relationship. Which most people call marriage, but that word seems to freak people out. I'm not morally a fan of casual sex. But. Me be a horny 26-year-old attractive virgin. And my looks will NOT keep indefinitely. Sometimes, the argument for God's plan doesn't seem strong enough to keep me from doing it anyway, if given the opportunity. So Burt's talk (above) really got to me. To use it as a way to connect to another person, and not to throw yourself around. *sigh* Exactly at a time when I needed to be reminded of it.
"Original Song" Glee
Loser Like Me song. Lost it like I only have ONCE in my life - Show Choir competition my Senior year. Bawling because something I desire SO badly, is so close in front of me I can touch it, almost taste it, but is IMPOSSIBLE for my to grasp. Performance. The earlier episode was when I realized I would never have the inborn talent that so many people are just naturally blessed with. The recent one was because want SO badly to perform, to sing and dance and do musical theatre... and I see Darren Criss up there, living the dream. But I cannot justify majoring in Musical Theatre - it's NOT logical. It guarantees nothing, and seems to be a waste of money and time. If you're good, you're good. Period. Practice makes better, but it doesn't require college tuition. I am not able to risk enough to live my dream.
"The Doctor In The Photo," "The Parts in the Sum of the Whole," & "Harbingers in the Fountain" Bones
This one has the most... straightforward and complex relation to myself. Obviously, I identify with Brennan (Dr. Temperance Brennan, AKA Bones). She is logical & analytical to a fault, a perfectionist, had a troubled childhood & family life, minimized her emotions, and has difficulty relating to others on an intimate humanistic level. This also gets in the way of meaningful romantic relationships. Though she does date fairly often, and has a seemingly active sex life, (which are both differences from me), she disconnects from these things emotionally.
I could write about the background of these characters coming to this point for awhile, but just to save time, I'll get to the relevant point about myself. As Brennan identified with Doctor Lauren, I identified with her. I work so hard to do things correctly (as she is best in her field), but why? To what end? What really matters in life? Our relationships. And we are both so blinded by the things we do that we haven't spent enough time/energy on the people in our life, and are terrified that we will end up alone. I don't want to miss my chance. I want to be loved, I want to be happy. And if I wait too long, it will be too late and life will have passed me by.
"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."
The problem with relationships is the huge level of emotional & social risk it requires. I don't think scientists are equipped to deal with risks. We hypothesize, and set up experiments to prove them. Nothing is EVER a sure thing - even after being proved right by hundreds of experiments, a scientific 'fact' is still referred to as a "theory."
Most recently, the two shows that have really struck a chord for me have been Bones & Glee. Maybe a weird combination, but I like to describe myself as having the brain of a scientist and the heart of an artist. My personality is very much clash of extremes. AND I was in Show Choir in High School. And Musical Theatre. And I'm a math tutor, and great at science.
"Sexy" Glee
So, I understand sex. I'm "crazy informed" as Holly Holliday says. BUT I entirely lack in experience. Not just sex/intercourse, but, as they said in the episode, "Every intimate encounter that you're going to have in your life is going to start with a touch." America (USofA for those not of our nationality) is considered a low-contact culture (there's my anthropology showing) because we aren't very touchy and like our personal space. So there's little contact of any sort going on on a daily basis. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind shaking hands, or even hugs or back rubs with people I know well and trust, but... romance takes something a little different, a little extra, and that is the boundary I've been experimenting with lately. Through, yes, alcohol-induced truth or dare. A bit childish and high school, true, BUT if you don't test those boundaries in High School, you've gotta do it sometime. So, as a consequence, I have gone from not having a real first kiss to making out on a dare. While I still haven't had a romantic-mutually-liking-awkward kiss, I can't really say I've never been kissed when my tongue has been in someone else's mouth. Seriously.
The secondary point from this episode was from a moment between Kurt & his Dad. (Why, as a heterosexual 26-year-old female, I identify strongest with the 17-year-old male homosexual, I will never know.) His dad gave him the following talk:
"When you're intimate with someone in that way, you gotta know that you're exposing yourself. You're never gonna be more vulnerable, and that scares the hell out of a lot of guys...With two guys you've got two people who think that sex is just sex. It's gonna be easier to come by and once you start, you aren't gonna want to stop. You gotta know that it means something. It's doing something to you, to your heart, to your self-esteem, even though it feels like you're just having fun...When you're ready, I want you to be able to do everything. But when you're ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter, because you matter, Kurt."
I have a libido, I want sex, and the older I get, and the more it seems everyone else is getting busy, the more jealous and the hornier I get. I'm a Christian, and believe sex is intended by God to bond two people in a monogamous, loving, committed, long-term relationship. Which most people call marriage, but that word seems to freak people out. I'm not morally a fan of casual sex. But. Me be a horny 26-year-old attractive virgin. And my looks will NOT keep indefinitely. Sometimes, the argument for God's plan doesn't seem strong enough to keep me from doing it anyway, if given the opportunity. So Burt's talk (above) really got to me. To use it as a way to connect to another person, and not to throw yourself around. *sigh* Exactly at a time when I needed to be reminded of it.
"Original Song" Glee
Loser Like Me song. Lost it like I only have ONCE in my life - Show Choir competition my Senior year. Bawling because something I desire SO badly, is so close in front of me I can touch it, almost taste it, but is IMPOSSIBLE for my to grasp. Performance. The earlier episode was when I realized I would never have the inborn talent that so many people are just naturally blessed with. The recent one was because want SO badly to perform, to sing and dance and do musical theatre... and I see Darren Criss up there, living the dream. But I cannot justify majoring in Musical Theatre - it's NOT logical. It guarantees nothing, and seems to be a waste of money and time. If you're good, you're good. Period. Practice makes better, but it doesn't require college tuition. I am not able to risk enough to live my dream.
"The Doctor In The Photo," "The Parts in the Sum of the Whole," & "Harbingers in the Fountain" Bones
This one has the most... straightforward and complex relation to myself. Obviously, I identify with Brennan (Dr. Temperance Brennan, AKA Bones). She is logical & analytical to a fault, a perfectionist, had a troubled childhood & family life, minimized her emotions, and has difficulty relating to others on an intimate humanistic level. This also gets in the way of meaningful romantic relationships. Though she does date fairly often, and has a seemingly active sex life, (which are both differences from me), she disconnects from these things emotionally.
I could write about the background of these characters coming to this point for awhile, but just to save time, I'll get to the relevant point about myself. As Brennan identified with Doctor Lauren, I identified with her. I work so hard to do things correctly (as she is best in her field), but why? To what end? What really matters in life? Our relationships. And we are both so blinded by the things we do that we haven't spent enough time/energy on the people in our life, and are terrified that we will end up alone. I don't want to miss my chance. I want to be loved, I want to be happy. And if I wait too long, it will be too late and life will have passed me by.
"Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."
The problem with relationships is the huge level of emotional & social risk it requires. I don't think scientists are equipped to deal with risks. We hypothesize, and set up experiments to prove them. Nothing is EVER a sure thing - even after being proved right by hundreds of experiments, a scientific 'fact' is still referred to as a "theory."
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